Rejection on the dance floor

After reading Erin's article No But Thank You, I was inspired to publish my own personal thoughts on rejection on the dance floor here in Indianapolis.

When it comes to Latin dancing, men face the problem of rejection and women face the problem of not getting asked to dance. I see a lot of new dancers quit Indy’s salsa scene due to this. The ‘regulars’ have a tendency of dancing with those that they know or have practiced with in the dance studios. It is a comfort zone for them, they know that the next 4 to 5 minutes on the dance floor will be enjoyed. When a guy asks a lady to dance that he has never seen, it is like rolling the dice. Does she have any experience Latin dancing? Will our styles mix well on the dance floor? If the answer is no to either of those questions, expect to have an awkward experience on the dance floor.

I enjoy dancing with new faces in the clubs and have never minded taking a lady to the dance floor who has never danced to show her the basic steps and right turn. I will be honest that there are times where I just want to go out and dance and not play the role of instructor. If I am looking for a new face to dance with that does not need any instruction, I sit out for a few songs and check out the dancers. If she can do a right turn, cross body lead and an inside turn, I know that when I dance with her, it will be a positive experience.

Ladies may ask, what if I never get asked to dance and no one can see that I can? I would suggest putting in your time and socializing with the regulars. If you come out the clubs regularly (let’s say every other week), this will catch the attention of the salsa addicts and trigger curiosity to see if this new salsera can dance. Also, socializing with the regulars will create a more relaxed environment to be asked to dance. The issue I see is that a lady joins the Latin dance community, visits the clubs once a month and does not attempt to socialize with other dancers. They expect to be showered with attention from hordes of handsome salseros and dance the night away, but in reality this is typically not the case. After a couple of months of sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else dance, they get frustrated, blame the crowd as being too ‘clique-ish’ and quit. Latin clubs are not your typical hip-hop clubs, where guys are diving to the feet of every attractive woman wanting to dance/grind on. Guys can grind on anyone; salsa does not follow these rules. Clock in your hours in the clubs for a couple of months and be social (it is a social dance) before putting your dance shoes to rest.

For us guys, well, rejection is something we are always going to deal with. It is a fact of life. No matter what level dancer we are, how well we dress/smell, there will be times in the club where it feels that no one wants to dance with you. Been there, done that. From what salseras have told me, they are willing to dance with any guy who is not trying to sleep with them and knows what they are doing!

Guys, try selecting ladies that have a style similar to your own. If you have learned in a studio here in Indy, most likely you are dancing LA style salsa, where your basic steps are back and forth. If you see a lady dancing a cumbia step (back and to the side), expect a harder time leading her. Remember, the ladies are also watching you, if they have seen your style and know that it will not mix well, expect to be declined for a dance. I am not suggesting that we should never dance with dancers with other styles, but I would recommend getting confident with what you know before experimenting with other styles on the dance floor.

As for removing the stigma of being just a guy trying to pick up women, well, that is a hard one. Going to salsa clubs that are not labeled as meat markets will help. Establishing a reputation as a regular salsa dancer in the clubs of your choice will also benefit your image. Even with that said, we are men and will forever be labeled as ‘nightclub guys’ or players by women who do not know us. It is a numbers game, so suck it up and keep asking until someone accepts your offer.

Category: [IndySalsero-rants]